The Life and Thoughts of David Judd

The Weird Shifty Weekend

2006-05-26T15:19:00.000-06:00

I think I am finally over my triggers enough to post on my feelings about WSW this year. To start this weekend out I had my palm read by a reader at the Purple Moon. There are two things that she told me that kinda freaked me out. First of all she said I was going to live to be 88. I really don't want to live that long! And secondly she told me that I would have 4 kids and right now I don't want any. So, I know that things change and I am open to that but even if I end up fathering children it would be no more than 2 because of the fact that kids take everything out of me. To tell you the truth, I avoid them like the plague.

Then after being all up in arms about the kid situation we move into a process that kicked my ass, to tell you the truth I am still hurting from it! I don't want to give away any details as I wish the same experience upon all of you that haven't had the opportunity to experience this beautiful process yet.

All in all, WSW was both weird and shifting and I had no idea kids could scare me this bad.

"I hate what you say, but I love that you say it."

2006-05-22T20:49:00.000-06:00

This past weekend I have been at Weird Shift Weekend which is the fifth month of a nine month alchemist class. It is a retreat held in Lava Hot Springs, Idaho and not only does the current class come but alumni from past alchemist groups also attend. It was an awesome experience for me, getting to reconnect with some of the people from my alchemist class that I haven't talked to in a while. This weekend is full of some big-time processing, one process in particular that absolutely kicked my ass. I am actually still processing that process so more on that later.

As for the title of this blog I was talking with somebody this weekend and they mentioned to me that they have read my blog. This in and of itself always surprises me as I am amazed at how many people actually read this. Anyways, she made the comment, "I hate what you say, but I love that you say it." This to me is a great compliment. I know that I am quite different from the stereotypical Utah teen and I embrace my diversity gladly. I remember from past experience when I have said things that have been off the beaten track I have felt judged and belittled, not that that ever stopped me but that is beside the point. Recently I have noticed that I have come to a new maturity level of being completely ok with whatever people may feel about me and in doing so people have begun to respect me and my opinions more frequently.

Anyways, I really take the above remark as a compliment and I want people to know that I respect whoever reads my thoughts and even though they might not agree with them they keep an open mind and stay out of judgement.

I know this entire entry is a little disjointed and I want you to remember that I just returned home from WSW yesterday, thats all the explaining I need to do.

My Fun Summer

2006-05-16T18:22:00.000-06:00

As I was thumbing through my schedule this afternoon I realized how busy I will be this summer. First, on June 9, I will be traveling with my family to Germany for the World Cup. I am so excited to experience this festival of the world and to learn so many interesting things from so many interesting people from so many interesting places. After a weeks time my brother and dad will be states-bound while mother and myself will be off towards Rome, Italy. We will be there for a week touring around, we haven't decided if we are going to try and see Florence or if we will be the entire time in Rome, either way it will be amazing. Upon return from Europe I will be home for four short days before I am off to Portland Oregon to see a friend of mine. Following this trip I will be home for my longest stretch during the summer which amounts to about a month, then I will be going with my mom to Huntsville, Alabama to staff the Alchemist 8-day intensive there (these plans are not final, but I hope they come to fruition).

To say the least, I will have a very fun and busy summer. I can't wait for it to start!

By the way this weekend I will be in Lava Hot Springs, Idaho for the Alchemist 7 Weird Shift Weekend which should be very fun and interesting.

Dreams

2006-05-05T16:11:00.000-06:00

For the past couple of weeks along with my constant malaise and not eating my dreams have been so vivid! I have been making intentions for months about remembering my dreams/astral traveling experiences and it is finally happening! I guess if I truly understood the power of intention I wouldn't be surprised in the least bit but I am. It is so fun to live another life at the same time as I am living this one. Now when I go to bed I don't feel like I am wasting time as I am learning great things as well as experiencing amazing things.

I heard this quote a couple days ago in History and I am taking it on as a motto for the next little while. "I would rather be a lightning rod than a seismograph." Throughout my life I have made myself out to be a writer and I don't want to lose that part of me but writers record things just as seismographs do. I want to experience life like a lightning rod so that I have my own awesome experiences to write from.

This has been the reason that my blogs have been few and far between over the past weeks.

Food???????

2006-04-29T12:54:00.000-06:00

As most of you probably know by now I absolutely love food! Mealtimes are some of my favorite times of the day. Or used to be!

As of Tuesday April 18 I have not been eating and I can't quite figure out why. I felt a little sick on the first two days of my involuntary fast but after that I haven't felt sick at all. To tell you the truth I am just utterly confused. I have been eating about 1/2 of a meal every two days and have not been hungry in the least bit. I have been eating that 1/2 meal because I am worried about myself not because I have been hungry. The one positive aspect of this situation is that I have dropped weight like no kidding, about 12 pounds in under 2 weeks.

I'm not quite sure what it could be, if it were a physical thing I would probably be over it by now, if it were a spiritual thing I would probably have been told so in meditation or astral travel. So... I am at square one not knowing anything about my latest weird problem.

Any Feedback?

What do you write about when you have nothing to write about?

2006-04-13T22:52:00.000-06:00

Mind. My mind. Lately it has been bugging me unremittingly, telling me that I need to post. Then I ask my mind what it is that I should blog about and I receive no reply. So, obviously I am supposed to blog about nothing and make it entertaining enough to read. I am always ready for a challenge.

I could get very philosophical about the definition of nothing but right now I have not the energy for that so to put things very plainly nothing is just as you perceive it, however that is. My perception of nothing is when a day goes by and I have nothing to write about. Well, actually today I mowed my grandpas lawn for the first time this year. I can't believe lawn mowing season is already here! I am ready for winter again!

Although I may whine and complain about mowing the lawn I truly do enjoy it. With my trusty ipod in hand, well actually strapped onto my sweaty bicep, I have the inspiring lyrics of rapping legends reverberating throughout my head and all I have to focus on is the line. Up and down, up and down, the wind rolling through my hair and the sweat dripping down my face onto my lips where I can taste the saltwater erosion of my thoroughly plumped winter face. Mowing the lawn, for me, is a spiritual discipline as it is not very often that my mind has only one thing to focus on for a full hour.

I now have utterly amazed myself! I have successfully written about nothing for an entire three paragraphs. I hope that as the next days unfold I will no longer have a reason to write about nothing.

I walked on fire.........Again!

2006-04-09T15:59:00.000-06:00

Last night I participated in a firewalk and loved it. This is the second firewalk that I have done in my relatively short, but full of experiences, life. I was the first to walk across the fire this time, not to prove anything to anybody, just to myself. After my first firewalk the only thing my mind could come up with is that I waited too long to walk so the fire cooled down. This time when I walked all of the embers were still red hot and I did not get burned, now I can quiet my incessant mind that has been bugging me about this for over a year.

I am so grateful for the magic that I have experienced in my life so far and cannot wait for what is to come. Now that I have walked on fire my next 2 goals are to jump out of an airplane and to walk on water. I also want to thank everybody who was there last night for sharing in the magic with me! I love you all!

Namaste

Unfounded anger?...nah!

2006-04-04T14:41:00.000-06:00

The story about to be blogged deserves a little background, so here we go.

I am a junior at Woods Cross High School and I have a cumulative 3.92 GPA. I am currently taking a class called Medical Anatomy and Physiology which is a college AB class meaning instead of having it every other day like I do all of my other classes I have it every day for an hour and a half. I have really good rapport with my teacher and she really likes me, so I thought. She always looks to me to answer the questions in class that no one else dares to take a stab at and she talks to me one on one, as a friend, as well. I have received an A in her class for all three terms so far, soon to be four.

Today I entered class as usual and went to my seat in the back corner of the classroom. Well during the lecture as I was listening/texting/writing like I do every day she walked over to my seat and said, "David, give me your phone." This is when the anger started. As aforementioned this is a college class and at the beginning of the year she stated that she would treat us as college students so I have texted close to every day in that class without any problems, until today. The other factor that majorly pissed me off was the fact that many other people in that class were all texting visibly the entire time and I know for a fact that some of them do not get A's in that class yet they did not get their phones taken away.

As I sat there for the rest of class watching everybody else text the anger built up inside of me. My anger was not even based on my phone being taken away but rather the principle of the thing. I was given information that this was a college course and I was to be treated as a college student, today I wasn't. Also, why was I the only one "picked on" when there were many others doing the same thing that I was. My teacher would not make eye contact with me for the rest of class and I did not participate as I was writing phrases down on a piece of paper that I later burned because I didn't want anyone to find it.

So the question that I am posing to myself is what was up with the weird exchange between me and my teacher today? Has somebody told her false information regarding me that she has taken as truth or does she really just hate me but she hasn't shown it because of my academic performance in her class? Anyways, life goes on and this too shall pass but nonetheless I am angry and I will experience it until I am done. My mind is just striving for logic regarding this situation as I am utterly confused at the moment.

P.S. For those of you who know me personally just think of my issue with controlling authority! If you'll excuse me I need to go throw-up in the toilet.

End of the Month

2006-03-31T13:02:00.000-07:00

What is it about the end of the month, it always seems so hard for me! Is this just my quirky characteristic or is it more than that? The end of the month always seems so hard and heavy and I can't figure out why. Maybe its the fact of an ending energy, I always have hard time with "ending" anything. Or maybe its just a psychosematic symptom that I build up in my head every month, nonetheless it seriously sucks. Lately I have been so grounded and I am not used to that, I spend most of my time in my upper chakras and so being grounded is hard because everything seems so real. Not that I am saying being ungrounded all the time is a good thing, because its not, but I spend a lot more time in higher energy so it is very easy for me to look past problems and issues and not get triggered but when I am grounded everything seems so serious and right in my face.

A ha, I just remembered that I am wearing a new necklace that the Jewelry Queen aka Jan Judd made me. It is snowflake obsidian which is a grounding stone, shit! Ok its time to change necklaces again back to good old Lapis Lazuli which is the stone of the third eye chakra, where I like to spend most of my time. Now that I have that figured out I can move on to bigger and better problems like why I can't sleep, but thats an issue for another blog.

What is time?

2006-03-25T15:06:00.000-07:00

With his long bony fingers and his menacing look
He looks at you vindictively, and smiles a cruel smile
For he knows that you are always chasing him
Never the other way
Even though you hate it, thats the way it is
He's always in the back of your mind
When you are trying to meet those deadlines
And then when you realized you have been abandoned by time
It's too late because he ran out and left you alone in a horrible situation

-David Judd
Quickright 3/24/06

Fate???

2006-03-21T15:46:00.000-07:00

Is fate the puppet master for lifes every entity
Did I miss my life path even though you sent signs to me
Just because I was made to stupid to know that it was meant to be
But I can't correct something thats biological
If I could perfect mortality would this not be paradoxical

So in the end what is fate? It's one of those things that I will never understand until I am on the other side of the veil but I wonder and mull over it mentally in my mind everyday anyway. I wish I could just be happy with what I know instead of always on a mad search for knowledge thats hard to find. But I guess thats what makes me me.

Vulgarity

2006-03-14T17:07:00.000-07:00

Notice: Below are my views and beliefs on this touchy subject. Although this post will not be vulgar my views are a little different than the majority's on this subject.

Why do we give so much power to four letter words? People say that swearing shows immaturity and a low vocabulary when in fact I believe the opposite. Everybody who knows me would not say that I am particularly immature, in fact I get quite the opposite feedback. People say that I am an wise ancient sage in a 17 year old body. Also, those who I have talked to in depth, including my English teachers, tell me that I have a very erudite vocabulary. I mean, how many other people my age, or any other age for that matter, could use the word "erudite" in a sentence?

The reason I use vulgarity, as aforementioned, is because the general populous gives those words so much power. There aren't many other words, besides the "evil cuss words" that can make an unsuspecting person energetically completely jump out of their body. These words get across a point in a way that is quick, easy, and effective.

Another way to look at it is if we, as a society, were to take the emotional charge off of these words there would be nothing wrong with them. I mean, in my belief, God will not condemn me to hell for my frequent use of vulgarity. I think that concept is pretty, (I could use vulgarity here, but I will refrain), stupid! I just can't get my head around the whole concept of the negativity of these words. Maybe it is just because I am an indigo child and I see the world from a very different perspective than most people.

Another argument people make about swearing is to the effect of protecting the children. When do children become adults and receive the rude awakening that would be much less rude had we not shielded these innocent souls from the real world their entire lives? When a child steps into a junior high school the shielding from adults provides no more protection and the shock factor is ignited.

Luckily, I was raised in a more open environment where pretty much anything went and I could talk to my parents about whatever I was wondering about and feel comfortable in doing so. When I stepped into Mueller Park Junior High School for the first time as a 7th grader I was not shocked actually I was protected because of my knowledge. I went to the bathroom on my first day of school and was offered marijuana and because of my liberal upbringing I was not shocked or surprised but calm, cool, and collected and handled myself better than somebody uneducated would have.

Anyways, back to the point, in my opinion an open household is a safe household and because of my moms vulgar mouth in my younger days I am a safer person because of it. So, what I am trying to say is vulgarity created safety for me because I was raised in an open environment so my rebelling in a way that would be dangerous to my health held no interest for me when I got the chance.

I am asking that anybody who reads this to please leave a comment or email me at davidpjudd@comcast.net because I am really trying to understand all the different points of view on this issue.

Thank you in advance for helping me out!

Namaste

Perceptions Shattered, Paradigm Shifted

2006-03-13T14:50:00.000-07:00

What more do I have to say. I no longer have to look at the world through my perpetually salt crusted eyes. I have a new perception and a broader paradigm.

Namaste

What is happening?

2006-03-05T21:27:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I have been so busy lately. I haven't even checked my email for 3 days! I usually check my email twice a day! Whatever this busy energy is that is surrounding my life right now I thank it for its presence and what it has taught me and I let it go for a more relaxing week ahead. This week I am going to get more than 3 hours of sleep a night, I will remember to eat at least once a day, and I will not let my stress get the better of me and my attitude towards others. Just today my little brother said, "David you just got out of bed and you have said the f-word like 100 times already. You have also yelled at me for taking a picture of you and you scared the crap out of the cat by yelling at it for getting in your way. What's wrong with you?" So anyways, I am done with this kind of negativity in my life and I set the intention that this next week will be relaxing and fun, what a concept!

Stand For Something

2006-02-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

The last couple of days I have been feeling really negative and I know that doesn't help anything. This poem I was inspired to write by a couple of songs and you might recognize some quotes in it (I hope that's not plagiarism, but it probably is so everyone SHHHHH! Don't tell anybody!) This poem is just reframing some of my negative belief patterns into something positive because it is always better to focus on positive aspects of my life than negative.

Stand For Something

It's better to stand for something
Than to fall for anything
It's better to believe in joy
Than to doubt its possibility

It's ok to be a rebel
Because that means you feel strongly
It's ok to feel pain
Because that means you put yourself in a position to get hurt

It's better to fight for your rights
Than to deny others what you don't have
It's better to live life fully
Than to wonder at its possibilities

It's ok to go too far
Because then you know your limits
It's ok to feel betrayed
Because that means you let someone in close

It's ok to experience a dark night of the soul
Because that means you have truly lived
It's ok to not fit the expected mold
Because that means you are unique

It's better fall in love and get hurt
Than to never have fallen at all
It's better to be dying to live
Than living to die

Who Am I?

2006-02-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

What a deep question. By the time I was 5 I knew exactly who I was and what I was going to do with my life. Now, at 17 I have absolutely no idea who I am or what I am going to do with my life and that scares the hell out of me! But surrender is a great tool if I can ever get over myself enough to do it. So that is my intention, no more worries just surrendering to god and experiencing my divine plan.

Who Am I?

From 4.0 student
To promising athlete
From talented energy worker
To great writer

Why am I so dissatisfied?
When I am good at every thing I try
Why can't I find my passion
That 3 years ago died

Why can't I live in peace
When I have nothing to worry about
Why can't I choose the path most traveled
And be happy with the results

Why do I have to be so different
From all the other kids
Why can't I find interesting
How they all choose to live

Why do I try to control my life
When I know that is just an illusion
Why am I still surprised
When my plans fall apart and I am left with confusion

Why did I have to be so mature
That normal things bore me
Why do I fight the flow
Of normalcy

Why can't I be happy with what I have
Instead of looking for my identity
Outside of myself
That never will be found

Although I understand myself enough to write about
That's about how deep it goes
I feel like I am looking in on someone else's life
Who knows more about themselves

From this moment I declare to the universe
That I am ready to understand me
And whatever lessons come with that
I will accept them with intrepidity

Gas

2006-02-23T21:44:00.000-07:00

Today just sucked ass if you know what I mean! I have been going non-stop since 6:30 this morning and this is the first I have even had enough time to get onto the computer. Anyways, on days like this, laughing is the best medicine for making the best out of situations. Thought this was funny and fitting as I paid 50 freakin dollars for gas yesterday, can you believe it?

I can't believe my eyes!

2006-02-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago I received an email from a friend entitled "Why men don't babysit!" It was a series of ten pictures that almost made me faint from oxygen deprivation because I was laughing so hard. Today I am in a good mood and the poem that I had ready for today is deep and serious and I'm not feelin it today so it will have to wait. Anyways, enjoy this picture. Isn't he so cute?

Young Heart and Old Soul

2006-02-20T19:01:00.000-07:00

On Friday night as I was looking at my blog and reading through others. I found on one of my best friends profile (John Morrow) the mentioning of a young heart and an old soul. Reading that sparked my memory to my own profile and I had mentioned something about a young heart and old soul also. As I thought to myself, "A-ha, this is an omen," this poem started forming in my mind. I finished this poem in one night which is very rare for me because it usually takes me more like a week until it is totally finished. I dedicate this poem to my friend John Morrow as it was his profile that started the creative process. This is truly how I feel sometimes and I am sure John does too. Anyways, without furter ado, I bring to you!!!!!

Young Heart and Old Soul

A young heart and an old soul combined as one whole

Like a car with two drivers fighting for control

From playful young boy to wise ancient sage

There is a lot of conflict inside me at such a young age

The chaos this causes is quite a drama

Torn between two identities, my existential dilemma

A misunderstanding at the very core of my being

A fork in the road, the path to be taken is up to my choosing

But with just a slight shift of the kaleidoscope

I no longer have to walk the tightrope

Because these two opposing forces inside of me

Create an ideal opportunity

To live and learn twice as speedily

Than those who accept simplicity

"If I could tell the world just one thing"

2006-02-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

If I could tell the world just world thing

It would be that we're all ok and not to worry

Cuz worry is wasteful and useless in times like these

I won' t be made useless

Won't be idle with despair

I will gather myself around my faith

For light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small I know

But they're not yours they are my own

And I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes

It didn't steal your laughter

And heartache came to visit me

But I knew it wasn't ever after

We'll fight not out of spite

For someone must stand up for whats right

Cuz where there's a man who has no voice

There I shall go singing

--Jewel "Hands"

Last night, driving home from Ogden, I finally had the ears to hear this beautiful song that I had listened to many times before. I attended a Reiki circle at a friends house and we got to talking in between the sessions. For the privacy of all that were there I won't post any details but we were talking about when we first met and how we are completely different people now. Anyways, when I first met these people I was in the most painful part of my life and was grasping for anything to hold onto hope. Needless to say, I have found hope in my life and am now out of that painful time of my life. What was so amazingly touching and spiritual about last night was that I had forgotten and lost that part of my self and that time of my life. I realized last night that those experiences made me who I am today and I wouldn't be as strong of a person today had I not gone through that hellish time. On the drive home I was listening to this song and I really heard that even though my hands are small they can still make a difference. "If I could tell the world just one thing, it would be that we are all ok." Things always are changing and we will always be ok even if today all I can do is breath, tomorrow will be better. "Where there is a man that has no voice there I shall go singing." I can be a beacon of light in the most negative of energy because I have been there before.

As of today I totally and completely accept all of my experiences with no shame and I move forward into more of who I truly am. I cherish the past as gold instead of lead because I am who I am because of it and I wouldn't want to change me for anything.

Does anybody even read these?

2006-02-16T16:25:00.000-07:00

Today I was asked by somebody if anybody even reads my blog. I replied, "I don't know!" Then they asked if I didn't know, why did I write in one. I retorted, "because its a good place to write and get out of my frustrations of the day, so there!" It doesn't even matter to me if people read what I have to say the only reason I write is because I have something to say and that is a good enough reason for me. I have experimented and decided that I feel a lot better on days that I write from my emotional body because it is a release mechanism for me. Writing while listening to music is one of my favorite pastimes. Whether it be poetry to short story, from non-fiction to fiction, it doesn't matter to me as long as I am writing. I am currently taking a creative writing class in school and it is my favorite class along with ceramics. I have realized in the short period of time that I have been in both of these classes that I really like to create things from pots to writing. This is a good realization about myself! I love to see improvement and advancement and it is such a rush to me to have a finished product in my hand that I have created.

Anyways, this was my realization of the day!

My Neighborhood

2006-02-15T16:33:00.000-07:00

I don't know where this one came from. I wrote it on a day that I was enjoying my solitude and space. Its about my childhood neighborhood.

My Neighborhood

I grew up in a normal neighborhood

But thats not what I remember

The neighborhood I remember is inside me

From the gorgeous beaches of the Caribbean

With the ocean dancing to meet the shore

To the hurried streets of New York City

With the congested madness and bustling crowds

My neighborhood was wherever I wanted when I closed my eyes

I existed in the depths of solitude

And wouldn't have it any other way

??????

2006-02-14T16:17:00.000-07:00

So, a couple of days ago I was looking through some of my childhood photographs and came across one that made me chuckle. My mom thinks it is a cute picture but I think it is the cheesiest thing in the world. Its one of those photos with a pose that no 5 year old child would ever do. Anyways, it inspired me to write a poem about it! The name of it is ??????

?????

How did I get here?

Doing what I am told to do

Looking like I am told to look

Sitting how I am told to sit

Smiling how I am told to smile

This is not what I remember!

I remember being completely free

Having complete control of me

I remember flying with the birds

Dancing on the clouds

I remember singing with the angels

And talking with God

Then, I entered a space of darkness

Sitting there for what seemed like eternity

Thinking and contemplating about what was to come

Feeling extreme pressure and pain at my head

Moving, finally moving

Fighting my way towards the light

Free at last! Or am I?

Feeling hungry and cold for the first time

Feeling helpless, unable to talk to these people

Being hit until I scream with pain

I don't like this new Hell

When can I go home?

Lunch with my Grandpa

2006-02-08T16:07:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago I had the opportunity to go to lunch with my grandpa, just me and him. He has been in the hospital for the last couple months with congestive heart failure and I am afraid that he doesn't have more than a couple months left with us, here on 3rd dimension. I had a profound experience at lunch with him that inspired me to write this poem.

Lunch With Grandpa

At lunch with my grandpa in his dying days

All time standing still like in a vortex of haze

A step into an alternate reality

Where my eyes can clearly see the duality

Where life is life until the living become the walking dead

Where life is worth living until the final page has been read

In his heart I see his pain

Whether to continue playing or call it quits on the game

In his stomach I see his fear

Of going somewhere unknown and leaving his wife here

But in his eyes I see an excitement spark

Of knowing this journeys over with another ready to start

When the time comes, even though it will be sad

I will release him to the angels and I know he will be glad

But in the meantime I will treasure the precious days

That I spend with my grandpa learning from his ways

Day 1 of my Blogging Career: February 7, 2006

2006-02-07T15:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I just realized that in order to post on the Alchemist 7 Blog I have to have my own blog! So here it goes! I was sick last night and I cant figure out why? It was more of an emotional sickness than a physical sickness if that makes any sense! But anyways enough of that! My thought of today:

What is the most powerful human body part?

The finger. Not the pinkey, ring, index or thumb. Its the one I put up when I just don't give a fuck!

LOL!